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On the Road with Zaltzman
England's heroic efforts to reignite the 50-over game continued with another fluctuating, stomach-rumbling, rocket-propelled donkey ride of a match, replete with all the over-the-top melodrama and emotional moodiness of the teenage disco.
Once more,[url=http://giuseppezanottisneakers.webmium.com/][b]giuseppe zanotti sneakers on sale[/b][/url], Strauss and the men yanked Victory from the jaws of Defeat. Having seemingly wrapped Victory inside a burrito and fed it to Defeat. After Defeat had vomited Victory support onto its plate, saying,[url=http://rogerviviershoesshoponline.webmium.com/][b]Roger Vivier on sale online[/b][/url], "I'm not hungry." Which followed them teasingly putting Victory on a plastic spoon and whizzing it interior and exterior Defeat's open mouth just like a parent trying to amuse a baby and trick it into eating a vegetable.
England could have won all six of their group matches. They might have lost all six. They might have tied all six. So three wins, one tie and 2 defeats is most likely a reasonable return. A team with mostly admirable rather than thrilling cricketers has contrived to give the cricket world one surprisingly good game, then five varying classics that would have had Victorian cricket fans munching through their umbrella handles like cheap hot dogs.
It is usually sensible to have a scapegoat or two grazing up your sleeve that you could take out in the event of a defeat and feed towards the press like a scapegoat curry. If England had lost, their fans could have blamed injuries, fatigue, umpires,[url=http://giuseppezanottisneakerssale.webmium.com/][b]giuseppe zanotti men's sneakers for Sale[/b][/url], John Logie Baird for inventing television and paving the way in which for the third umpire to sit on the lofty Olympian perches and dispense their random justice just like a drunken Greek god, and also the general concept of technology.
First and foremost, however, they could have blamed the evils of capitalism.
When Jonathan Trott caught Andre Russell, tumbled in indecipherably close proximity towards the boundary, and was denied the catch through the TV umpire (even though, to my naked eye 80 yards away up high in the Chepauk stands, he was clearly and definitely infield by between 1.5 and a pair of millimetres), it seemed that England's hopes had vaporised. When the boundary rope was not encompassed by the padded advertisements, but had merely been a boundary rope just as whichever god invented cricket surely intended so that it is, Trott's catch would have been verifiably legal with a good couple of centimetres.
However, because of the unstoppably gropey tentacles of commercialism which have wrapped their branding around any available object on any available sports ground, not only have glorious cover drives been besmirched into glib marketing opportunities, not just is the fee-paying spectator denied the timeless entertainment of seeing a ballboy prepare to field an imminent four just for the ball to ricochet up off the rope into his face, but England were almost denied their chance to confirm their devote the greatest eight international one-day teams within the known universe.
Once the Berlin Wall came crumbled such as the West Indian tail and Capitalism started showboating in the aftermath of their points victory over Communism (in which it was along with the proven fact that Communism spent the entire fight waiting in the corner, punching itself in the face), I doubt those revelling in the end of oppression stopped as it were to think about how their selfish desire for freedom from totalitarian tyranny could one day almost modify the consequence of a very important cricket match. Such is human instinct.
- In my continuing, but so far successful, attempts to establish myself as the most infantile person in the cricketing press corps, I whipped out my little woolly WG Grace (that isn't a euphemism) at the post-match press conference,[url=http://woolrichdeutschlandarcticparka.albirank.net/][b]Woolrich Parka G��nstig[/b][/url], and told Strauss he had been watching England play for 130 many could not remember a run of these exciting games. Strauss took one look at the knitted legend and his famous beard, and responded: "It appears like he's lost a little bit of timber." Fine work in the England captain. WG blushed woollily, and mumbled something about having problems with the local food.
- WG would be a busy boy in the Chepauk. I fulfilled a lifelong dream throughout the interval, as I was invited on Test Match Special to speak to broadcasting leviathan Jonathan Agnew. I've been listening to TMS basically ever since I came to be a sentient being. I had been more than a little excited, if disappointed that John Arlott was sadly off duty again. It also gave WG the opportunity to chinwag with, in ascending order of Test runs,[url=http://parajumpersoutletjackets.webmium.com/][b]parajumpers jackets outlet[/b][/url], Aggers, Vic Marks, Michael Vaughan and Geoffrey Boycott. (Pictures from the meetings on the right)
Attempting to diffuse the slight awkwardness of having asked Yorkshire and England's Geoffrey Boycott to pose for picture having a small woolly doll, I believed to him, "I think you scored more centuries than WG did." Boycott: "I know Used to do. I understand exactly how many a lot more than him I scored. And that i didn't cheat as much as he did." A legend along with a hero.
- I hope you benefit from the photographs. I am reliably informed this is the first published photograph of the Boycott holding a little woolly doll of a 19th-century megastar (rumours that he accustomed to own a knitted miniature Florence Nightingale remain unconfirmed). While taking the photo, I thought to myself: "I am a 36-year-old father of two. I've got a university degree. I've got a mortgage. And I have just asked among England's greatest sportsmen to keep a small woolly doll for a photograph. Does this mean my entire life is certainly going (a) very well, or (b) very, very badly?"
- West Indies were left with various regrets following a match in which they, similar to their opponents, repeatedly created, then squandered winning positions. A little more calmness sometimes, a little more boldness at others - using the batting Powerplay when Sammy or Russell were in and swinging,[url=http://wheretobuyrogerviviershoes.webmium.com/][b]where to buy roger vivier shoes buy roger vivier shoes online[/b][/url], for instance ‒ could have won them the overall game. As could Ramnaresh Sarwan's bowels.
Coach Ottis Gibson,[url=http://duveticadoudoune.halod.com/][b]Doudoune Duvetica Pas Cher[/b][/url], asked in the post-match press conference why rookie wicketkeeper Devon Thomas had been oddly promoted across the veteran of 164 ODIs and a decade of top-level cricket, replied that Sarwan had been temporarily indisposed on a toilet break. He stopped short of revealing that, just like Thomas nervously prepared to face his first ball, Sarwan emerged having a newspaper tucked under one arm, a half-finished cryptic crossword clear for those to see, asking: "Can anyone think about an anagram of 'oral bard' which means 'popular breed of dog'?" Or he strolled casually into the dressing room, snout down in a well-thumbed copy of Jane Austen's Pride And Prejudice, excitedly squealing, "I knew they'd meet up eventually."
Euphemism aside, this piece sent me down the memory lane,[url=http://peutereyjacketsuppliers.webmium.com/][b]Peuterey Jacket Peuterey Jacket Manufacturers Peuterey Jacket[/b][/url], when I was 17, my Indian English Book were built with a chapter by Neville Cardus. I don't know if the title of the chapter was "Spirit Of Cricket" but it very well might be. It was one of the most magical prose I'd ever read, delivered with a very passionate cricket fan who was also our English teacher. That certain hour was pure bliss.
I faintly recall the piece being about cricket on a crisp summer morning with dew on the blades of grass and also the sweet sound from the willow punching the leather echoing lyrically. or something like that along those lines. I need to look for this book again. Just piece, I'm reliving good cricket writing after 20 years. We pass beauty in our search for mundane existence.
"I doubt those revelling ultimately of oppression stopped as it were to think about how their selfish desire for freedom from totalitarian tyranny could eventually almost modify the consequence of a very important cricket match. Such is human nature""
Absolutely classic!!! I've not laughed so hard for a long time. Let's hope there are more brilliant cricket matches to provide you with possibilities to keep us entertained. And let us not expect matches like Kenya vs Zimbabwe to supply that,[url=http://parajumpersoutletjackets.webmium.com/][b]http://parajumpersoutletjackets.webmium.com/[/b][/url]?!?! Such a cracker that'll be.
Zaltzman appear to forget he works for money. Its called thanklessness at fault that has been feeding you. Capitalism defeated British mercantilism and colonialism. Its what's putting profit Zaltzman's pocket. Its what liberated countries like India, Sri Lanka, Pakistan and Bangladesh from the control of colonial cronyism. If not your money can buy these grounds is going to be dirt-mound with some hoity-toity idealists - Lacrosse, anyone? And Zaltzman could possibly be reporting NBA to make money. I love Capitalism. I really like the truth that Indian economy is sponsoring world cricket and entertaining the cricket loving people. Its fair to ask haters and nay-Sayers to change the channel and mindset or at least not to write a vital report and expect to receive money (as well as read).
Andy Zaltzman was created in obscurity in,[url=http://duveticadoudoune.halod.com/][b]http://duveticadoudoune.halod.com/[/b][/url]. More
Andy Zaltzman was created in obscurity in 1974. A sporadically acclaimed stand-up comedian since 1999, he is widely regarded to own one of the funniest jokes involving Graham Gooch now available about the British live comedy circuit. He's appeared regularly on BBC Radio 4 and 5 Live, forging a reputation as one of Britain's most infantile satirists. In 2009, he hosted Yes, It's The Ashes on 5 Live, a show that included a unique interview using the ghost of early 20th-century England captain FS Jackson. Alongside John Oliver (in the Daily Show With Jon Stewart), Zaltzman is a half of Times Online's long-running hit satirical podcast The Bugle, available via iTunes. Like a cricketer, Zaltzman's love of cricket outshone his aptitude for that game by a humiliating margin. He didn't hit a six between 9 and 23, and, in 1995, dropped exactly the same batsman three times in a quarter-hour. He's not been selected to experience for England before or since. He's been writing The Confectionery Stall blog for ESPNcricinfo since late 2008, and it is on the subcontinent for the World Cup, writing and podcasting exclusively for ESPNcricinfo.
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